February 2012
147 posts
every time an mtb tire less than 2.2 is introduced →
a little piece of captain dies
listen there’s sure as shit a time n place fer skinny tires
but no such place exists aboard a mtb
moreover
what wtbs got here is a tire called the fuggin “moto”
with aggressive knobs
which is tuh say
it intends to fuggin rail
through the rough
at fuggin speed
as though your ridin a fuggin moto
jeezis
have yehever seen a...
maybe if lance wasn't so busy pissing on his bike →
he’d have the fuggin time to teach them some bike handling skills.
the unusual part though
multiple separated shoulders but no broken collarbones
?
does this possibly have anything implications fer just how much bone density they lose between the time they’re devo and later go pro?
couldn’t fuggin be
Fat Turkey wins Kurne Brussels Kurne
Besides Griepel, Captain struggles to identify any other name in the top ten
listen
god bless cav
but as much as yesterday was awesome
today sucked
there’s a whole shitton of TdF stages just waitin to be deuched up with pretty little sky lead out trains
now don’t get captain wrong
lead out trains kin be legit
if there’s like three or four of them drag racin
but...
Top 10 ways to let people know your a fuggin cat 5
1. Yell left when there’s a surge on the left
2. Yell right when theres a surge on the right
3. Yell hold yer line while you take out the guy on the other side of you
4. Yell as you cross wheels and take yerself out
5. Yell as you thrash your handlebars side to side after someone lightly brushes against you
6. Yell pull through as you let a gap open
7. Yell as you schleck the shit...
Top 10 ways to piss off the race referee
10. cyclocross it through the infield of a crit course
9. Ignore them when they try to pull you
8. Remove and ditch yer jersey in the middle of the race
7. Point out to them that they neglected to mark the fuggin course off properly
6. ride off the front when they try to neutralize the race
5. yell at them when they refuse to pull you
4. inform them that they are so obese that they...
Top Ten Ways to piss off a TriDeuche
1. stop to piss
2. tell em their bike smells like piss
3. piss off the side of the bike without messing yerself
4. throw their piss soaked chamois out the window on the car ride home
5. take yer car through a carwash to get the piss off their bike
6. explain to them what potty training is
7. spray their leg down with a water bottle after they’re dun pissing themselves
8. steal their...
Top 10 ways to piss off a mtbr
10. Wear a yellow rubber band
9. Piss on yer bike
8. Suggest riding before 9am.
7. Get a flat every 5 min cuz your still usin tubes
6. Draft
5. Put a power meter on your mtb
4. Get dropped on the climbs cuz yer coach said to stay outta zone 4
3. Bitch
2. N Moan
1. Drink the last Tecate
Top ten ways to piss off a roadie
1. flick your elbow and accelerate as they try to pull through
2. flick your elbow then bunny hop the pothole
3. flick your elbow and bunny hop the rumble strip
4. flick your elbow then blow a snot rocket
5. flick your elbow then jam your bike back as you get out of the saddle
6. flick your elbow then weave your way through a patch of glass
7. flick your elbow then jam your brakes abruptly...
Balls are the new UniBall
there was a time not fuggin long ago that cyclists looked at their second nut with embarrassment
ulrich
vino
basso
all of them
all the big names
hung there head in shame
as year after year
the guy with one nut
beat them
and banged his teamates wives
but with one ball wonder returning to pissing on bikes
paired organs have made a comeback
and male cyclists everywhere...
Vaughters credits Sep's Balls →
and rightly fuggin so
its one thing to win a race
its a whole nuther thing to get up in front of yer team n showim
you got sack
inspirational
the garmacuda whose gotta pair
based on this anectode alone
captains abt to agree with vaughters
sep is gunna rule sum fuggin classics
Breaking News: Schlecks crown their new king
the DS formerly known as the hog for his insatiable appetite for dope products
will now be referred to as
The Leopard King
when asked for comment
the Schlecks stated that the Leopard was the fiercest of all the kittens
and then they giggled and held hands
Has Rujano already won the 2012 Le Tour de...
subtitle:
Does anyone care?
wake up early
my-bloody-underground:
listen to metallica
and get ready for some effin classics
Rejoice! For The Classics Are Upon Us.
Wholy Hell Captain hasn’t been this pumped about the start of a cycling season since they put Tecate in a can!
Cobbles Bergs Mud Dust Ambrosia rims with solderedntied spokes
drunk belgians
riding in the gutter
the chaos that chews up the weak and flicks out the strong alike
Omloop is on !
effin A right
an we even got some serious fuggin story lines
we’ve got a...
What the hell?
either the sitemeter is broke
or no one seems to care what captain has to say after the Crawford debacle
but hear captain out
he ain’t gunna throw his hands up in the air and lament the loss of readership
‘stead
he’s gunna get scientific n do some experimentation
so briefly captain had fantastic readership
but he can’t remember if this was when he
gave up...
“Where are those who have ridden with Ricco now? Those who were with him then,...”
– Mario Cipollini, as eloquent as he ever was stepping of the last wheel of his lead out train
Expert analysis: most 24 hour racers should be...
dont get captain wrong
there is no more legit way to hurt yourself than 24 hours on a mtb
but just flipping through a couple of old pueblo pics had captain shuddering with 24 hour town flashbacks
fer one
the entry fees are fuggin expensive
n if all yah wanna do is dress up like a deuche n clog up the single track
well yah coulda dun it the weekend before fer a lot fuggin cheaper
now...
wasn't riding for rock racin punishment enough for... →
captain says yes
Oscar Sevilla was once the baby faced darling of Kelme
fuentes tmobile Michael ball later
captain can’t even remember where he was racing or what he was using
Basque region tapped out of dopers? →
this is shockin fuggin news
captain never thought euskatel would have to look elsewhwere to find guys runnin rocket fuel
really mixed feelings on this one
on the one hand a teams gotta survive
on the other hand all the other teams get carte blanche to find dopers
n end up with an eclectic mix with no identity or loyalty
verdict: it’s a toss up
Prudhomme thinks Andy is a loser →
honestly
this is a bit fuggin harsh
granted captains been slow to replacing the riders better than Andy list
but he’s sure’is’shit not call him a loser no more
hell whens the last time yah scene a unicorn joke around here
why?
respect is fuggin why
listen
much as captain thinks Andy sucks
when it comes to the tour de France
he ain’t a loser
n as...
expert analysis: there's only one fuggin reason... →
eff that
roubaix is the only race that matters
listen up Thor
Captain don’t give a shit about yer rainbow stripes or that ugly ass yellow jersey yah road around in July
and captain don’t give a shit neither bout vaughters screwin you over
your on BMC now
they ain’t gunna give a shit if you get back on the full program
and they sure as shit ain’t gunna make...
“I have the mechanic of Armstrong, and this is already giving me legs. It’s...”
– this is great news for VDB. and a mechanic increasing the power in his legs is clearly a translation issue and nuthing to do with doping
